"Stop Struggling" Tips For Parents & Kids
Learn to Decrease Power Struggles

Viewers' Guide

"Communication Tips" To Minimize Conflict And Maximize Your Child's Self-Esteem

16 TIPS FOR PARENTS & KIDS

1. Don't Use Your Mouth, Use Your Routine
2. If You Can't Chance The Child, Change The Environment
3. Follow Up With Follow-Through
4. Parents Stay Grounded With Ground Rules
5. Go For Negotiation
6. Turn Tasks Into Tidbits
7. Keep Your Kid In The Director's Chair
8. Treat'm As A Team
9. Diffuse, Don't Ignite Conflict
10. Use Motion, Not Emotion
11. Make A Correction With A Connection
12. Stick With Consequences
13. Make The Most Of Ho Hum Moments
14. Tune In To Your Kids So They Don't Tune Out
15. Make The Evidence Evident
16. See The Small Successes Along The Way

As parents we all know how important self-esteem is to every child. It is understandable that encouraging self-esteem is often the last thing on parents' minds if they are moving from one struggle to the next.

What parents need to remember during those frustrating moments is this. The thing that often incites the battles between you and your child is the child's low self-esteem. When children feel they can't make an impact on their parents by cooperating, they may well try to make an impact through arguing and power plays. That's when parents retreat from esteem building comments to criticizing and correcting comments.

This cycle leaves everyone feeling discouraged and inadequate. However, parents can break this cycle by focusing their attention on maximizing their child's self-esteem.

Here's how!

1. Don't Use Your Mouth, Use Your Routine
Instead of providing order all day long with your words, set up clear, daily structure beforehand. Then cut down on directing as you learn to choose your words wisely and sparingly.

2. If You Can't ChanGe The Child, Change The Environment
Make concrete changes in the physical setup of the household so the environment, not you, dictates the rules, while your child enjoys some independence.

3. Follow Up With Follow-Through
Start with routine and rules that rely on your follow through, not your child's. Let the consequences be your kid's reminder and your salvation.

4. Parents Stay Grounded With Ground Rules
Stick to your non-negotiable rules, and keep your credibility. You can stay grounded and keep your kids from breaking you down with their masterful use of logic and reason.

5. Go For Negotiation
Create rules with your children not just for them. They are more likely to cooperate, and rules can be seen as positive tools to create order rather than a weapon used to clobber your kids.

6. Turn Tasks Into Tidbits
Ensure a feeling of success by cutting independent tasks into manageable bite-size pieces. You can start with the young child, small decisions, and small responsibilities. Rather than focus on important, overwhelming issues, use the seemingly insignificant activities that fill every child's day.

7. Keep Your Kid In The Director's Chair
Try to avoid taking over your kids' responsibilities no matter how convincing they can be. Balance your decision to hand responsibility back with a supportive caring attitude.

8. Treat'm As A Team
Sibling relationships are a great place to teach your kids to be cooperative team players. So during sibling fights, instead of dividing your kids or showing favoritism by taking sides, unite your kids and encourage them to problem solve and learn important relationship skills.

9. Diffuse, Don't Ignite Conflict
Sidestep unnecessary struggles in a way that won't put your kids on the defensive. When you avoid your own defensive maneuvers, your children will have no need for theirs.

10. Use Motion, Not Emotion
When your anger is at its peak, instead of highlighting emotions with your words, make your point with action. You can walk with your legs, point with your finger, or even use pantomime as you move away from the power struggle.

11. Make A Correction With A Connection
Make a connection between the child's misdeed and the resulting discipline. Whenever possible, let your children experience the results of his/her behavior.

12. Stick With Consequences
Stay consistent end teach with consequences even when it seems easier and quicker not to.

13. Make The Most Of Ho Hum Moments
The key to being encouraging even in the hardest of times is to realize the importance of the simple, everyday happenings that are all too often ignored.

14. Tune In To Your Kids So They Don't Tune Out
Instead of always working so hard at making your children understand what you say, work hard at understanding and acknowledging what they say.

15. Make The Evidence Evident
Rather than focus on your child's potential to boost his/her morale, parents can bring to light those valuable, irrefutable accomplishments by describing what they see and remembering past, mastered accomplishments.

16. See The Small Successes Along The Way
While it's okay to praise performance, you can multiply your self esteem builders by highlighting the many small successes that occur as your child tackles each task.


Learn how to identify and resolve everyday parenting problems with the national parenting experts, Evonne Weinhaus M.A. LCSW and Karen Friedman ACSW, co-authors of Stop Struggling With Your Child and Stop Struggling With Your Teen who have been featured on Oprah Winfrey, Today Show, Donahue, Sally Jessy Raphael and Good Morning America.

"A must for parents:  Stop Struggling With Your Child is packed with practical tips and solid, sound advice."   -Sally Jesse Raphael